Sunday, September 27, 2009

Inner Work

This is the spot where my inner work basket lives.

I've only recently grasped the importance of inner work. I know that everyone always says "take care of yourself, or you can't take care of anyone else". It just never seemed to be much more than a platitude. So many people, mothers especially, brush it off with the thought that they'll take care of themselves just as soon as everyone is settled.

I've always been one of those mothers.

There is just always so much to do, so many people to care for, so many wonderful things to create and see and learn. I have a tendency to believe that I'm the one that doesn't count. I know that's not true, I know that without me things don't run smoothly or don't run at all. I have kept my children at home with the firm belief that I am and should be the one who guides them through their life journey. I still believe that I am what's best for my children. It is only recently that I have discovered that it is my lack of focus on my journey that has led to the disappointment I often have with myself.

I'm still not sure why it was so hard to grasp that I MUST take care of me if I had any hope of taking care of my children with a joyful heart. But it was. Now, I make time for me again. Now, I do my inner work. Now, if things don't go well I focus inward and uncover the reason. All of this led me to my little basket. I've placed in it all the things I'm working with to work on me. I have the videos I'm learning from. The book that reminds me of the whys and hows of the lifestyle and environment I want for us. My journal and some pencils and crayons. Some of the artwork that I'm finding so healing, just looking at the colors makes me want to paint and draw more.

Auriana's Michaelmas Paintings

I'm really working hard to take the lesson of St. Michael taming/slaying the dragon to heart this year. I am slowing down, focusing on the rhythms of our days. Focusing on taming the dragons of my mind that say we're not doing enough.....or we're doing to much. I'm focusing on having the courage to do what we need to do. I'm focusing on finding the mindfulness of knowing what that is.

But I find that I feel better just with the knowledge that I am focusing.

I think I'm finally fully grasping the ability to sit back and enjoy the process.


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