The Epicenter

The Adventurer

I loved the ladders of these grain bins when I was a child. There was something so exciting about being "Up, UP, UP so high I could touch the sky". The backside of the roof was a favorite hiding place for hide and seek. These ladders were portals into rocket ships or castles.  An exciting tangible portion of our pretend play. They were also a link to an adult world that I wasn't allowed in. Sometimes I would pretend that I was working with the hired hands to fill the bins up with grain for the winter.  Little House on the Prairie provided a lot of inspiration for me.

They were so blissfully HIGH.

High is a world that children don't often get to visit. 

"Get down!! Be careful! You'll fall! Do you want to break your neck?! You gave me a fright! Are you trying to kill yourself?! Do you want to give me a heart attack?! GET DOWN!!!!!" 

Those are phrases I heard a lot as a child. :o) 

They're phrases that I've tried not to use unless they were absolutely needed. 

Testing the limits of their bodies and environment is the work of children. We are here to guide that testing so that they have a more experienced head than theirs as they make their choices. (For instance, I know that you can easily jump from the second rung of this ladder. You CAN jump from the third and it only hurts a little. But if you jump from the fourth rung your ankles hurt the rest of the day....which kinda ruins the fun. {and it lets the adults say "I told you so". also no fun)

We are the epicenter of their lives. They want us to be involved in everything they do. "Watch this."    "Come see!"  "Will you help me?" 

It can be frustrating sometimes to fulfill that need. A frustration that I constantly fight against because I know how important I am to them. I know that they need me. My energy, my guidance, is just as important as the food they eat and the air they breathe.

Children need us to be available. They need to be able to run up to us at any time during their day and borrow our calm. They need our reassurance that everything is safe. They need rhythm. They need our constancy.

Then they can run away again, as fast as their little feet will carry them to continue their explorations. When their port is compromised then they are uncertain. They become whiney. Clingy. They try to desperately grab what they need. They insist in ways that are so abrasive to us that we want to push them away and stuff them in a box (or turn on a show) just so they will leave us alone. (at least that's how I feel when my children are out of sorts) 

Shoving your children away when they need you never works out as well as we'd like.  They are genetically programed  experts at getting our attention. 

(Isn't survival an amazing thing?) 

My children just spent a few days in Oklahoma with my family. They LOVE it there. It's a circus full of ice cream EVERY day! Who wouldn't love it?

When they come back they are always sleep deprived, over sugared, over stimulated, and just plain worn out. It always takes a few days to even things back out. Yesterday evening Kiska started sobbing every time I took a step away from her. It had been a very long busy day for me and I was exhausted. I was NOT feeling much like giving her anything of myself. 

I honestly didn't think that I had that much to give. 

After 15 minutes of letting myself be INCREDIBLY annoyed by her behaviour I gave up and embraced her needs.

I held her while she finished her cry. Then I focused ALL of my attention on her. 

Her sweet little cheeks, the shape of her mouth, the twinkle of her eye, the way her hair fell into her eyes, the softness of her hands, the weight of her in my lap, her smell.

We sat and breathed together for a bit. 

Then I decided to get some lavender oil and give her a little massage.

I started to move her to the couch for a moment so I could get the oil and she wrapped her arms around my neck hard as she could and cried, "No Mommy!! It hurts me when you're away!!!"

I'm proud for her that she can articulate that. 

It was a shocking thought. Shocking in the intensity, and conviction. 

As much as my children need to roam. As much as they need to wander. As much as they need to explore. As much as they need adventure........

They need me to be there for them to come back to. Welcoming them home with open arms, and heart. Watching them from afar.  Reveling in their roamings, wanderings, explorations, and adventures.

How else can they go again?

The Pirate Ship

Real Life Pretend Play

I walked by the children's room on the way to my office the other day and this caught my eye. I grabbed my camera to capture it and when they saw me take a picture Auri explained, "We're dangerous Pirates sailing to the Island where we've hidden our gold!" 

Sounds like fun.:o)

I went through the few photos I'd taken and I was disappointed at the everyday disarray. Their beds rarely stay made.  Not if they spend any time at all in their room playing. They use the bed for a thousand things. 

Pirate ships, for instance. 

Caves....Mountains.....Tents.....Castles......Apartments...

The list is limited only by their imagination.

We don't have lovely wooden beds and shelves. (Not yet.) Our beds aren't covered in handmade goodness. (I'm working on it! I promise!)

Part of me doesn't want to post this picture because it's so very ordinary....not to mention that the lighting isn't great.

But it was such a perfect moment. A moment of extreme ingenuity on their part. I LOVE the sail. I have no idea how they thought of that, but I love it. 

I am so pleased that they PLAY. 

Constantly, and with complete abandon.

It's a good reminder that the trappings of Waldorf that I love so much are only trappings. That handmade is best, in my opinion, but not vital.

If you set children free to use their imaginations then it doesn't matter if they have a complete set of Ostheimer or a small box of legos.....or a large playsilk, a fan, and a clipboard for the wheel.....they will create worlds that are so rich that we cannot understand how they do it.

Children are amazing creatures.

And I am delighted that I have the opportunity to learn from them.

How I deal with the Anti-Waldorf Doll

 Auri's Barbies

I've always had a serious hatred of Barbie. They always seemed to be everything I didn't want for my precious little girls. 

Plastic. Lots of make up. And let's not forget.....

Atrocious and Overtly Sexual clothing. 

I kept this out of our lives for most of Auri's 9 years. With only a few barbie play dates here and there. But it was a struggle because so many little girls have them and all of the adult life accessories that come with them. 

I've watched children play with barbies and it almost always involves adult life play that I don't want my little girls getting a taste for. "Oh, I have to get ready for my date tonight. My boyfriend is coming over." "I'm a rock star, where's my fancy car?"  " I need a bigger house. I need more clothes. I wish I made more money so I could buy more things." 

Life was always dates, parties and materialism. Not things I hope to encourage.

So when Auri became friends with the little girl across the street who played barbies I decided I needed to look at these things from a new angle or I was going to have problems. 

My new angle. 

I decided that I would look for more appropriate clothing that I would be okay with my girls wearing in real life. My rule is that if I wouldn't want to see it on my girls, then I don't want to see it on their dollies.:o)

I also found some outfits that can let them play out their real life activities.

Like Hunting Gear. Including Safety Vest.

Barbie is safe and legal when she goes hunting.:o)

I was also able to support work at home mom's and buy handmade. I can specify the materials used. If I'd wanted to I could have had organic cotton. I like being about to choose who makes my children's toys and what they're made of.

Everyday clothes and interchangeable jackets.

Panties.

Because Barbie doesn't wear any and I'm not okay with that.

I bought the dresses ready made and for about the same prices as store bought. The jackets, skirts, and panties were slightly more expensive. But not enough to make me think they were pricey.

Auri made this purse for her dolls.

 
Is this the perfect solution to the plastic doll issue? No, I'm still not thrilled with Barbies. But at least it doesn't make me sick to know she's playing with them. 

The play is a lot more domestic with these changes. The dolls put on their aprons and cook. They take care of babies. They feed their animals. They hunt. They garden. They keep house and help each other. They sew and knit. They do the things that we do every day and they do things that I want to see my girls doing.

I don't know that the clothes made all these differences. It might be a developmental thing. But I know that when the clothes changed, the play changed. And that's a pretty good indicator to me. 

I'm glad that this isn't a thing I have to fight anymore. Having plastic dolls was not my ideal. But worrying more about the way the dolls were played with instead of what they made of has been a breakthrough for us. 

And I'm glad that this is no longer a source of such inner conflict for me.
Barbie has made her way into our home.

But she lives by our rules.:o)

Barbie clothes found on Etsy from Modest Barbie and Grandma Linda's House.

Introducing our new family member....

Kissy's "Sweet Little Kay-ter- Peeler"

 Or caterpillar, if you prefer. We don't.:o)

She's neat isn't she? She's soft and warm and fuzzy. And she smiles a lot at Kiska. She also likes hugs and kisses, and she changes colors quite often.

She won't let the rest of us see her yet. Kissy says she's scared of the boys. Tyler was mean to her once and so she likes to hide.

The fact that she is invisible is not something that we hold against her. 

We all love her just the same.

Welcome Kay-ter-Peeler!

and 

Thank God for Imagination!

 

 

For Posterity

She's always been a goof.

I've been working on pulling all my pictures together in one place. It's a monumental task. I've stored pictures on so many different computers and hosting sites over the years that I can't even remember them all.

About five years ago we had a lot of wildfires in Oklahoma. A friend of mine had her home and barns burned to the ground. They worked hard and planned and rebuilt an amazing place. She spent months scouring all the yard sales, antique sales, and auctions to find beautiful doors and windows, hardware, and furniture. She has always had a great talent for bringing things together and having each item have meaning as it adds to the atmosphere of her home.

I admire her so much. I love her house. She loves her house.

It's a great house, but she doesn't have any pictures of her children.

Her children are all grown. I know she has memories of how her children looked and behaved. All those sweet little things that make our kids our kids.  But there is so much that you can forget.

I had forgotten how Auri liked to use this bookshelf as a place for the Tomten to visit. She would put a little bowl out at night filled with milk and in the morning the milk would be gone and a teeny tiny gemstone would be in it's place. She spent a lot of time rearranging and wondering if Tomten would like the new addition.

She had so much fun with that bookshelf. So proud of what she made. So amazed that the Tomten would come and watch over us each night.

I wouldn't have believed I could forget that.

But I did.

This is why I treasure every picture.

Why I grieve for my friend's loss.

Why I took it as a lesson.

It always seems like it's impossible for you to forget these moments when you're living them, when you're laughing and cherishing your child.

I'm grateful I have pictures.

Because I just learned that it's not as impossible as I thought.

Auri's home for the Tomten.

Gifting Thoughts

The girls doing some convincing.

Yesterday morning I walked in to see the girls dressed in silks an playing happily with the make-do furniture. There was no mention of  needing anything other than what they had. No requests for new dolls or frustration over a "lack" of furniture. Just happy whole hearted enjoyment ofthe little world they were creating. A world where trees grow in the living room and doll's dollhouses magically transform into fireplaces when the farmer gets cold.

Spectacular Fireplace, because dollies need focal points too.

Part of me is delighted to have a new gift idea. It's becoming more and more difficult to sift through the wants, needs, and the magical.  With each possible purchase I weigh and measure all the possiblities. 

Is it a good toy? Will they play with it? Is it appropiate to what I'm trying to create? How was it made? Can I afford it? Is it worth sacrificing other things for? Will it be the only thing the child gets? Is a single theme going to feel like enough?

I have a lot of problems worrying over the "will it feel like enough" issue. I grew up with presents overflowing the whole living room and fierce competition between my sister and I. We would count out all that we got and be very upset if it wasn't even. My mother loves to buy things for the children. Which is wonderful, and they love it. But it's hard too. They wind up with so much! We've been working on scaling back over the years. Really putting the focus on handmade and quality over quantitiy. I know that we've done better but it's still hard for me to look at just a few packages under the tree and feel satisfied.

But I want to give my children the Joy of the Season. Not a lot of packages. I don't want them to stress over who has what. I want them to truly feel blessed that someone thought enough about them and tried to decipher what would best make them smile. They already know how important gifting handmade is to me, and they've witnessed how much goes into a handmade item. So they're capable of enjoying the Christmas I've designed. I just know it's hard for them sometimes to look at everything their cousins come over with and not feel like they got a raw deal. There is a lot of jealousy between them. The cousins wish they were getting all the handmade homespun Christmas that I do, and my children wish they were getting the Barbies and IPods.

I know it's a case of the grass being greener on the other side. I just wish I could find a way to help them feel good about the life I'm trying to create.

Lavender and Orange oil Play Dough

This is one handmade thing that they all love. We had alot of fun yesterday mixing up a new batch of playdough. They love the making, the playing, and the smell is amazing. Tyler always chooses purple, and Auriana always chooses blue. They also had fun mixing the two together. Days of fun for pennies.

Does it get any better than that?

Wishes and Creativity

Auriana's New Dollhouse Furniture

Auri asked me if I would add furniture and dolls for her dollhouse to her Christmas List. I told her that I could, but not to expect anything because I've noticed that she never really plays with the dollhouse so I don't consider it a priority.

The Bathroom. Notice the large corner tub.

Since that conversation she has used the blocks to make furniture and has been using everything from inkpens in tissue paper to golfballs as "people".

The Kitchen

I love how she used the fat and long blocks to make chairs for her dining room.

The Bedroom.

Notice the dollhouse in the bedroom?

The Living Room

She just might end up having her wishes come true on Christmas morning. Of course, that means that I have to figure out how to make furniture.:o)